My compassion and gratitude corner

  I was really struggling with the fact that I’ve been able to write a dedicated article to every family member except Mum. The angle is what defeated me. I know very well that we love each other in our unique silent ways. I know Mum will call very rarely and I return the favor far less times; and sometimes when I return the favor, it would be through a call I made to Dad and asked how Mum is doing then Dad would hand over his phone to Mum if they were close to each other. Our conversations are always very short and precise. To some extent when Mum calls I know it’s a serious matter. Even when Bree’s accident happened, it’s Mum that called, not Dad. The most recent call Mum made was at around 5am asking whether I was up and with a groggy morning voice my answer was not yet. She went on to say, “Amka uombe.” I didn’t hesitate and went directly to “Umeota nini?” I knew the only thing that would have pushed her to call would have been a bad dream about me. She explained her dream and ...

I spent most of the latter half of February with family... my brother at the coast, punctuated it with a few days of solitude in Lamu then the larger family in Nakuru. One thing I was aching to do was go completely offline and so I did. Primarily to break a habit and secondly, to be able to pay attention. I realize that I am always on my phone when with family and so they rarely get the full undisturbed version of me. In addition, I'm not sure that I take in the fullness of who they are. So I turned it all off to be fully in the moment. I am glad I did because then I bathed in: My brother’s love - when he would call to check whether we are home from the day’s excursions. How he helped put together some of the excursions given the connections he’d made. My ultimate experience of his love was how he helped get to Marikiti market to get the kashatas, achari and mabuyu the people of Nairobi wanted so bad just so we could continue checking activities off our to do list. Outside my lens ...

Someone visited today and I realized we have never received home visitors, not in Nairobi at least. The only visitors we received were back when in hospital. This has been partially by design and partially by visit fatigue (if that word doesn’t exist then I should get the credit for coining it lol). By design I mean we either tell people we are not home or just decline requests. These kind of visitors keep reviving all the tears I have cried loool. They keep reminding me of the reality I sometimes try to escape. They remind me of a reality where I am always giving - professionally, religiously or family-wise. A reality that sometimes drains me so much I have nothing left. A reality where I am always praying helplessly for one thing or the other to work out.  A reality I love don't get me wrong (because it is punctuated with so much love and testimonies) but a reality I need breaks from. A reality some might perceive as a luxury while I would in a blink of an eye trade it all for a ...

This will be a super short piece... I’m seated right outside the Nairobi West Hospital pharmacy, waiting for the routine consumables. It’s a good day. Her pressure was perfect today, I smiled even.  So hospitals tend to bring out all sorts of emotions, and I’ve had quite a range of them since we got here about 3hours ago. Another thing is hospitals teach you patience lol so I’ve learned to even take work calls throughout the wait. Comfortable workspace at times... :) Today, what specifically pushed me to write my thoughts was a little boy, I would guess 9/10years old. He’s seated with his mom right across my sister and I. He’s waiting for a doctor to see him. I step out for a few minutes to get water for my sister since it’s water o’clock and so I miss out on a little. When I get back, I find the boy half way through an erratic vomit session. I watch him and what comes to my heart is pain. I feel his pain and that of the mother who watches on helplessly. All I can say is I’m sorry ...

 I write this while seated cross-legged at the floor of Hosea Kutako International Airport. It is about 13.15hrs… waiting for my ET834 14.30hrs takeoff. Lots of mixed emotions. I have already swapped SIMs to my home Safaricom one hahaha… maybe this will be uploaded while in transit at Bole International Airport in Addis Ababa since it will be quite a long write for me and read for you. Not sure where to start with this because somewhat, Namibia has given Rwanda a run for it's money… just a bit though. Maybe because I thought I met an interesting gentleman I would have loved to get to know a little bit more? But travel jinxes it all thanks to the short stints.  Anyhu, the past two weeks have been an absolute blessing. I would want to express everything in detail but my mind went blank in the few seconds of freefall while skydiving so I am writing this from a clean slate - a factory reset mind hahaha. Namibia was a country I wanted to visit for my 28th birthday with skydiving as...

 I think of you daily even though I do not call - you have defined me in ways beyond our DNA. When I dance and sing for my siblings, I see a lot of you in me. When I drive on the road, my tendency to speed speaks volumes of you. When I evaluate my friendships and the value they bring, the very essence of who you are presents itself in me. At the workplace, a lot of your determination sprouts and I know that I am my father's daughter. At church and in spiritual spheres of life, I know your prayers hold me and that our spirits are connected. When it comes to how I love, your sacrificial unconditional approach just jumps out. Your humility and modesty (at least before your PhD lol) is what I wear always because we know how far the LORD has brought us - all the permutations of how our lives would have turned out keep me even more humble. I am you in every way... Today, I think of you more because you were born and I can only imagine the joy you brought to your parents and the humor you...

Today is my birthday… and I will ritually reward myself with another long reflective post. Last year's birthday theme was taking stock and I did take stock. I was grateful and that is the one consistent trait I continue to wear because gratitude has kept me sane!! Looking back on this past year, I feel that one thing is evident - PROVIDENCE. It has been a year full of God's meticulous orchestration of my life's events. There are moments when I thought that there was no card left to deal yet still God had a fresh deck of cards for me. Oh God, how grateful I am for YOU. In no particular order, I will just state events that stood out for me across the different spheres of my life.  Spiritual:   If there's a facet of my life that has blossomed in the past year and especially during the quarantine period, it would be my spiritual life. I have meditated, prayed, fellowshipped, had really fun time alone with God and experienced HIM in ways I can't find the right words for....

So, during the entire lockdown period, I had been particularly praying over three things. The overarching prayer remains that God's love may be enough, overwhelming even in this season of singlehood. That I may not make the mistake of seeking God's love elsewhere. And so to get to that point, three things stood out that needed reconciliation: That God help me be genuinely happy for my ex who was now planning to marry his really beautiful fiancé God help me be truly single - release all the crushes I had including those that I had been seeing on wedding posters already lol God, help me be okay with the fact that even my agemates are getting off the market - felt like this would leave me at that overprices-most eligible-spinster state. I needed to be okay with this new space  Now, the interesting thing about prayer and lockdown specifically is that I was praying about all these things in a safe space. AT HOME. Where no men distractions got any close haha. Anyhow, fast track to ge...