Today is my birthday… and I will ritually reward myself with another long reflective post. Last year's birthday theme was taking stock and I did take stock. I was grateful and that is the one consistent trait I continue to wear because gratitude has kept me sane!! Looking back on this past year, I feel that one thing is evident - PROVIDENCE. It has been a year full of God's meticulous orchestration of my life's events. There are moments when I thought that there was no card left to deal yet still God had a fresh deck of cards for me. Oh God, how grateful I am for YOU. In no particular order, I will just state events that stood out for me across the different spheres of my life.
Spiritual:
If there's a facet of my life that has blossomed in the past year and especially during the quarantine period, it would be my spiritual life. I have meditated, prayed, fellowshipped, had really fun time alone with God and experienced HIM in ways I can't find the right words for. I have talked, laughed and walked with God, I have had solo road trips with God. I have met God through so many strangers and friends. I have seen God express HIS love in ways I thought impossible, a love too palpable. Everywhere I have looked, I have seen God. In the hurt, pain, disappointment, waiting, hopelessness, good news and joy, I have felt HIM ever so near.
Emotional / mental:
There are so many false stories our minds can make up to keep us busy. Early this year, there were lots of such stories in my mind. I even sought help through therapy to kill those lies and find more truths (I have become a big fan of therapy btw). My therapist mentioned I was battling self doubt and confusion about my future. Don't we all get here sometimes hahaha… So mine was a little more exaggerated because that narrative I had built up was too negative to live in. I appeared happy but I was really hanging on by a thread. To add salt to injury, I was receiving rejects from some of the graduate schools I had applied to and I was an emotional mess. I remember one text from my therapist that really kept me going (pasted below). Then my grad school admission letter coupled with a partial scholarship to a leading global university came, and I knew God's providence knows no haste or delay. It was the one acceptance letter that mattered the most!!! God did a pretty good job at filtering them out for me because I would have been conflicted haha. There are days I am still in disbelief.
[***Additional info/ side note: If therapy wasn't as costly, I would keep that line open because these were words that brought life to me. I am not marketing but should you need it, try BetterHelp (app based counselling and therapy) - it worked for me at a time I couldn't do in person sessions; I had access to weekly video calls and 24/7 texts or voice memos with a licensed therapist. You get to pick the gender, age range and spiritual affiliation of the therapist too. Get your first week free by signing up using my referral link >> https://www.betterhelp.com/rpc/9595b785471155f0-1-06.]
Professional:
I am currently on a 4-year employment break (school plus just to try out the global / public health space for a bit so that my education is more focused when I get to it). Then coronavirus rained on my parade (or so I thought) and I had to act quick. Deferment felt like the best option at the moment and so I had to work out a solution for that gap year. Because I am a bit ambitious, I applied for a 1-year role at a global institution headquartered in Geneva (go big or go home yes? haha). Who wouldn't want to be in Europe surely? Lol. So I made it through resume screening, then first round, second round and by the time the CEO interview invitation came, I had already envisioned myself in Geneva and how I would travel to every country in Europe by the time the year would be over. Then came the regret email followed by an emotional feedback conversation with the recruitment manager (that I requested for). For a week or so I was so distraught. How could I get so close only for something to slip right though my fingers? Oh well, Mungu alicheza kama yeye because a week later, I had a really good job I did not have to interview for (and this job would bridge the gap that got me passed on for the other opportunity). There are things I will wait to get the deeper meaning of as life unfolds and while I do that, I choose to remain grateful. I am also really grateful I do not get to play God because HE makes some pretty tough choices for us - I imagine in this case, it was allowing me wallow in heart-drilling pain for a week hahaha.
Family:
This post would be very naked and incomplete without this part of my life. I am nothing without family. Without my sisters to love me through my teary days, life would be impossible. Without a Dad and Mom to affirm me, I wouldn’t have the confidence to make some of the bold moves I made in the past year. Without my brothers to show what acts of service mean, I wouldn’t know how to receive, interpret and give love. This past year, I have spent so much time with family. More than any other year. I have truly known my reason for being through them and I am deeply grateful. I remember one of the goals I had purposed in my previous birthday was to be home at least once every two months. I have knocked that goal out of the park. Thank you so much God for this. I have been loved by the best and wouldn't ever settle for less. (Don Williams)
Travel:
This is the aspect of my life that has suffered the most. It is core to who I am but the travel log for this past year has been quite dismal. I had hoped I would be writing this right before jumping out a plane to skydive in Namibia, or right before enjoying a good Thai massage in Bangkok but here I am, typing away from my room in my hometown lol. Till this wave passes over though…
Social:
I have been loved so deeply and uniquely by a wonderful team of friends. I have made some new good friends, lost some really good ones and most importantly, maintained the most valuable ones; but isn't that the reality of growth and life? Some come for a season and some for a lifetime. Yet all are equally important. One wise friend told me, Dolly take it a day at a time - just choose to have an ideal day with anyone you meet. If it lasts longer than a day, so be it, but if that is the one day you had to spend with that particular person, make sure it is the best version of a day. So each day with a friend is had as if it was the only day I had with them and we make the most of it. I have also had a fair run with crushes too because what is social life without a bit of excitement? hahaha... Overall, I am sincerely grateful for a healthy social life. When I think of the friends God gave me, I can't help but choke with tears of joy and gratitude. Life would be extremely difficult without them in it. What friendship has taught me is to keep planting seeds of kindness and love, to water them even when it hurts, and just when the time is right, it comes back full circle.
Here's to another year. Another year very many would have wished to have but didn't get to - or rather an age many would have desired to attain but didn't. An additional year full of God's goodness, grace and PROVIDENCE. To another year of being extremely spoilt and thoroughly loved by God through strangers, friends and family. To another year of trusting that God will have me exactly where I ought to be. Two songs that stood out for me this past year are Jonathan McReynolds God is good >> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-f9uGdJYPeA and Not lucky I'm loved >> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qau4o0pu8Xo. These songs deeply capture my past year. While at it, please listen to more of this gentleman's songs hahaha, the lyrics are just lit!!!
A super birthday to Dolly Michira, the woman I grow to love more and more each day. You rock!! :)
