I spent most of the latter half of February with family... my brother at the coast, punctuated it with a few days of solitude in Lamu then the larger family in Nakuru. One thing I was aching to do was go completely offline and so I did. Primarily to break a habit and secondly, to be able to pay attention. I realize that I am always on my phone when with family and so they rarely get the full undisturbed version of me. In addition, I'm not sure that I take in the fullness of who they are. So I turned it all off to be fully in the moment. I am glad I did because then I bathed in:
My brother’s love - when he would call to check whether we are home from the day’s excursions. How he helped put together some of the excursions given the connections he’d made. My ultimate experience of his love was how he helped get to Marikiti market to get the kashatas, achari and mabuyu the people of Nairobi wanted so bad just so we could continue checking activities off our to do list. Outside my lens of love, I also got to third wheel on another kind of love. The kind of love I pray for one day... the kind of love that had him crossing the road thrice to get mutura just the way she likes it. The kind of love that includes her feeding him the same mutura as he drove. The kind of love that cooks breakfast together on a Saturday morning. The kind of love that says “I feel sorry for the lady that missed out on him.” He deserves every bit of that happiness because he has also seen the ugly side of love... loss, pain, loneliness name it. But it’s a reminder that sometimes love is costly, it does come at a price. Trade offs and compromises are made. Love may not be right first time but sure gives a second chance (multiple chances in some cases).
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| Love wins my Dearest Brother, love always wins! |
My sister’s determination - this would be a two part observation... first is how we could be someone’s source of hope and strength. That when we are with someone, we know we can conquer any fears and are bolder to try out things considered not cut out for us. I’m that person for Bree. I saw deeply how Bree is so much bolder when she knows I am with her. It’s a scary position to hold yet so humbling. Second, is how relentless my sister is such that even when my hope and faith fails me, she reminds me that having each other is enough. She’s relentless this one. There are so many things that she can or ‘cannot’ do thanks to the wheelchair situation but by goodness, I’m so glad to have been alive to witness Bree board a dhow and sail on the Indian Ocean. We had the help of the kindest community I’ve encountered (the Swahili crew) but I’m grateful we actually got to do it. I got cold feet at the last minute but I repeat Bree is relentless. As we watched the school of dolphins swim, I couldn’t be happier that she was there to see it and not just through my camera. I snorkeled on her behalf but I enjoyed it even more because she was there. We had lunch on the boat because we didn’t hustle to Wasini island but the lunch was even better because she was there. Her determination brought so much joy to what had initially seemed a laborious venture. I’m so grateful I will have this day to look back to whenever a task seems insurmountable.
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| She and I on Indian Ocean, for there are no limitations to LOVE |
My sister’s caregiver’s stillness - Coincidentally, her name is also Brenda but I call her Asi (short for Tibasima). Asi is God's answered prayer to my family. She has consistently cared for Bree and supported on physical intimate care for a year now. This is just a testimony in itself. I rarely get to hang out with her because I am always in and out of the house. This break gave me a small window of opportunity to just watch her. To see how she performs her duties with painstaking care. She is gentle, slow yet peaceful, joyful and a true display of God's grace. Our relationship has definitely had it's ups and downs but watching her catch a day time nap to rest or seeing her smile at the smallest things was beautiful. She is a constant reminder that love takes time; it's should never be rushed.
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| Ignore Keldine who insisted on being in the photo lol |
My grandma's simplicity - we had lunch as a family at some point and grandma joined us. We had a round of speeches and when it was her turn, she said a lot that will always linger in my memory. Throughout her speech, what stood out for me was the simplicity of love. That love is simple. Love is getting a dress for grandma because that, she won't forget - she will even wear that dress with joy on the day you visit with her. Love is hanging out with her because in one's sunset days, all that is left to do is just sit, share stories and laugh with those you love. Love is prayer for family. Love is being in each others space even when not a word is spoken. Love is ageless!
My parent's embrace - our parents have always and continue to be our safe space, our sense of security and a place we all feel accepted. We are so blessed to have grown in an imperfect yet loving family. When we got home, Dad and Mum were both a little under the weather. However, Dad had the energy to join me in the kitchen so we could cook together. He prepared fruits for Bree as Faith and I cooked lunch. Mum as usual kept working in the background, ensuring there was a concoction to keep the flu at bay. Their love is the most beautiful love I know. A love that has stood the test of time and adversity. A love that looks inwards yet flows outwards beyond the family. I will always be grateful for how they hold us all together in their loving embrace.
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| A family that laughs together, loves eternally |
I love my parents alright but I kid you not, I love my siblings so much more. In my siblings I see my parents. I see a reflection of sacrificial and loving parenthood. I see all the good there is in my parents because we learned family love from the very best!
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| No one has stuck closer than these ones. I love you with my life. |
...and I know, oh yes I know, that you will always love each other.
Forever love, D