- That God help me be genuinely happy for my ex who was now planning to marry his really beautiful fiancé
- God help me be truly single - release all the crushes I had including those that I had been seeing on wedding posters already lol
- God, help me be okay with the fact that even my agemates are getting off the market - felt like this would leave me at that overprices-most eligible-spinster state. I needed to be okay with this new space
Now, the interesting thing about prayer and lockdown specifically is that I was praying about all these things in a safe space. AT HOME. Where no men distractions got any close haha. Anyhow, fast track to getting back to Nairobi and I was tested in all these three aspects in one day. First came the crush walking in a supermarket shopping with his wife, then came the agemate scenario and last came mention of a wedding committee meeting for my ex. Looool... but the beauty of it is I realized it all at the end of the day. I was reflecting on how I felt about all these events and I remember right after dropping off this agemate friend, I sent up a prayer. "God, thank you for reminding me there's still so much to work on but I beg of you, please love me a little harder because I need your love to be enough. The last thing I want right now, is to reverse the work we did together over the lockdown period. The last thing I want is to take matters into my own hands and find that love." Right after, I drove home.
As usual, my little sister was on one of the couches. I crept up to her and asked for a hug. She was a little busy and said to wait. I knelt by the couch waiting. In the waiting, my relationship with God became even clearer to me. With my sister, I was 100% sure the hug would come so waiting was easy. She just had to finish texting then she would hug me. After a minute or two, she put her phone aside and lifted her arm. Into it I fell and lingered there for a while. I think it is the longest hug she has given me in a while. It was beautiful, it felt warm, sure and loving. In that moment, I felt love. Why then is it so hard when it comes to God? Why is it so hard to know and be certain that the love (hug) will come???
From that moment, that became my little project. To trust that God's love is enough in this season of singlehood. So below are a couple of bible texts and quotes that I 'researched' on to fall back on in those moments when in my frailty I felt that God needed to up his love game hahaha. I am deeply grateful for these little love notes from the ultimate LOVER of all times, GOD. They are a reminder of how long I have to go in learning and acquiring such depth of love.
- Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8
- But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Psalm 86:15
- Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14
- Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death… Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. Song of Songs 8:6-7
- The earth is filled with your love, O Lord… Psalm 119:64
- Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. Psalm 63:3
- Sometimes it takes learning how to be perfectly lonely, just so God can show you what being perfectly loved feels like. Never doubt the season He has your life in.
- No matter how long it takes, when God works, it’s always worth the wait.
- Ladies: It’s not your job to catch a man. It’s your job to serve God until He leads a man to you.
- It’s okay to ache for a mate—it’s even normal. However, God wants to be enough while you wait; He wants to meet you in the middle of your emotional longing.
- GOD is the ultimate gift of loving GOD